I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
