the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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