Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
