I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
