Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
