im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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