You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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