If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
