would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
this just has baby written all over it
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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