smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
