I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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