i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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