when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
