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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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