the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
