Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
