I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
