First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
