there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
