Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
