Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
