Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
