I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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