So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
