Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
