I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Couch. On fire.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
