if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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