I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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