I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
