he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
porn star boner night. come get it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
