it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
