Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
