Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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