Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
