hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
