She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
from now on my penis is your penis
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
