Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
