It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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