So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
