just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
