just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
