she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
