even my farts smell like vagina
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
