I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
