Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
