This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
