just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
