I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
