Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
