Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
