just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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