Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
